Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Tuesday, Tuesday....

Boy, the next time I complain about our weather here, Remind me about New York's winters! It is another gray day here on our beautiful island! The shop is bright warm and welcoming and people have been coming in for cards and coffee and snacks as well. So things are going well here. I ordered scones and they will be in Thursday. I have fresh baked pie and fresh baked cookies and today we have chicken noodle soup. Don't know if I will have anyone to eat it but it is here. My card group just left. They play bridge. I guess they have been taking lessons together and they really enjoy each others company. They spend a lot of time laughing and talking while they play and it is fun having them in the shop. When I learned pinochle I was told that they would not teach me bridge because I didn't take my cards seriously enough... I think I would rather play with this group anyway... They don't take their cards seriously enough either but they have fun playing!! I had a full house last night again. Our chess and go guys were busy teaching some young kids to play. After the kids left the chess guys played amongst themselves. It was a good night with friends. I missed my really raucous group who come on Mondays and play board games. I love to hear them laugh and have fun. It is quiet now (all of a sudden) and I need to go to the post office, the bank and home to let my dog out for a quick break. I find myself kind of relaxing when it gets quiet and enjoy just blogging and catching up on the news. I find myself a little tired of Anna Nichole Smith, and appalled that yet another teen has taken a gun and used it on others..... I am the mother of two young men.. I went through the horrible middle school years and then the high school age.. Both awful for the boys when they were going through them. My thought right now is not so much for my boys as it is for the "broken" children out there. When my oldest son was a junior in high school, we "adopted" a young man who's parents had kicked him out of their home and who was headed to Seattle to sleep on a bench. This young man became part of our family. He lived with us for two years then decided to go to San Diego to die on the streets. He got to San Diego and after 2 days changed his mind (and outlook) and went to stay with some friends of his until he could afford to come back to Whidbey Island (and us). He returned and lived with us for a year or two more off and on and then moved to Seattle. Since leaving us he has started drinking again, got arrested for assault and battery and now has a record. He lost his job and is working as a bartender now and I haven't heard from him in several months. He is part of our family. He is my third son, my broken child and I showed him how he can be happy, and what he needs to do to do that, and our family is here to support his efforts to make himself happy. But that is all the assistance I have for him right now. He became an adult and when he did he had to learn to walk on his own two feet.. How he chose to do that was now up to him. I bring up my third son because I find myself dealing with another "broken" child. This young man seems to think that everything should be given to him because he has "something wrong" with him. He blames the cops for harassing him, blames society for not being able to earn a living thus forcing him to sell drugs which he then began experimenting with, blames mom and dad for kicking him out of their house, and blames his problems on everyone and everything but himself. He takes no responsibility. He can't get a job because he suffers from depression, but medical won't pay to get him anti-depressants.. and then its employers faults for not being able to employ him because he may go for a few days and not feel well enough to call in and let them know he wont be there. Dan and I feel for this young man.. Turns out there is a lot of really good people in this community who care for this young man.. We have hired him to do work around our house... He takes a month to weed our garden... He buys the materials he needs to do the work but then the materials sit and wait for the work.... He says he'll be at the house tomorrow and while he is in the shop could he get a cup of coffee and we can take it out of his pay. Then we don't see him for a month. He has taken to "visiting" the chess group and playing a few games. He likes the hand outs that the guys pass his way. I think he may like chess too but well I am learning that trust has to be earned and he hasn't done that. Still the question comes up "What can we as a community do to help this kid out?" It doesn't seem to be give him food, or clothing or help him out financially. The more we do that the more he expects... He is not my son so tough love hurts like a betrayal (although my third son felt that my reaction to him going to jail was a betrayal.. I simply asked him if he felt that he could use a counsellor to help him deal with anger... the question was the betrayal). I think that if we simply hold this young man accountable for what he says then maybe we will be doing him a service. Yet, does this young man have the ability to cope with accountability? and if he doesn't then what? I wish I knew these answers. I am a small business owner, a mom and a wife and hopefully a fairly responsible member of our community. I have no answers for these questions. If someone out there gets an answer to them please let me know. Well, i need to get going. I will catch ya again soon.

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