How could anyone have guessed that I would get so lucky as to have such special people in my life? I surely didn't. I think of myself as the most difficult and undeserving person I know. I also know that the very flaws I know others see in me are the very assets that I have to bring to any relationship I establish. I take a long time to establish friendships, but when you are my friend then you are my life long friend. I will love you always. As difficult as it is to become my friend... It is much more difficult to become my family. I do not love easily but I do love strongly, when my heart recognizes family. You are my family. One of my children. I never asked you if this is what you wanted.. I don't really care.. The point is you are! It is that simple.
You are an exceptional young woman and I am very proud of you! But you are to busy setting up what you will or wont do that I fear you will miss opportunities. You don't allow for possibilities! Your goals are absolutely incredible, but my girl... you missed one "Oh so Important" goal... "I will endeavor, above all, to enjoy the life that is given me! I will find an opportunity to laugh every day, shed a tear for things I miss, and enjoy my opportunities to be happy. I will jump in mud puddles with my three year old instead of watching idly by. I will take my 8 year old out to the ball park and play ball with him when he wants and if he doesn't want that then I will share with him the things he wants to share with me. I will enjoy laughing with my children each and every day. I will allow for fantasy to exist in our everyday world and encourage it whenever possible. I will see pigs in clouds, and make angels in snow and I will laugh often."
Superwoman is not an insult! I was not demeaning you or the way you live. I was not putting down how you raise your children or clean your house. You are trying so hard to do everything right. Superwomen do that. But they forget to enjoy the very things they want so to create perfectly. You talk about getting an evening of rest so you can watch your favorite TV show. I think you have mentioned three shows in all. That is good, but when do you sit down and dream? When do you sit down and recall the wonderful things you did today? When do you sit down and recall the wonderful things that happened to you today? where are your dreams? Allow time to sit and dream. To imagine things that are so wonderful, you know they cannot possibly come true except in those dreams. Not someone to love, necessarily, (although that is not bad either) but something like walking naked through a meadow of daffodils or flying with a flock of robins or fairies, or jumping off a waterfall and simply falling through clouds.... flying, swimming with dolphins or floating toward the sun rise! Dreams...
I was your age once and I remember those times. You are raising two boys, without a spouse now, you have a house and a job and life seems overwhelming at times... actually it was overwhelming most times. I look back on those days, years... it is things like when my son caught his first bumblebee by the wings, the first parade we went to, the first time to Disneyland, the first time on a train, and incredibly long awful bus rides. I don't recall what our house looked like, I barely recall my job but I do remember when my son's teacher yelled at me because I was playing in a mud puddle with my boys. I remember dressing them up like mummies and making angels in the snow and taking them on their first sledding ride. I remember going on long hikes with them in California and longer car rides still. I remember taking the time to catch their firsts! and then catch them again because it was so much fun the first time. I remember the times I laughed! Not because I did it so often but because I didn't until I got older and it was almost to late.
Life goes by so swiftly. In a second... it seems. We become parents and all of a sudden we forget to be children. We want desperately to be adults.. good adults with responsibilities like a home, a job and children and we hold out these responsibilities like trophies so the world knows just how good we are.... But in the doing we forget to be the children we really are. You are a 28 year old child with two children of her own. This is wonderful. You can share with your children and still find the same joy in life that your children do with their "firsts". I am simply older (50 to be exact) and I am trying desperately not to let that joy disappear after I spent so long finding it again. Don't waste your years as a child trying to create perfect trophies. They will evade you. Spend the years dancing, singing, and playing with those you love. You will never grow old and when you are many years older you will be able to say... "I loved the life I was given and I danced every day with those I loved."
It's funny that you posted what you did. I wasn't even sure you thought about what I said. I kind of thought you Pooh Poohed it and that it went into the garbage where a lot of my advise goes. That would have been OK too. I am not perfect (although I like to think my advise is). But that it made you angry... hmmm.. I offered it not to make you angry just to make you think.. I guess it did and often anger is the first step to consideration... Do not be offended by this advise. It is given in love and patience to a young woman who is truly exceptional but who I think rides herself a little to hard, a little to often. I happen to love this young woman. She is one of my girls! I will be here when she needs me and I hope when she doesn't but just wants to "dance" with me as well. (I am open to long walks on the DNR trails. I like them much more than the city streets.)Let's Laugh and dance and just for a while be children!
To someone I love on Whidbey Island.