Thou vain hasty-witted harpy! You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!
That Shakespeare guy could really throw down the insults, huh? You might get a kick out of this nifty Shakespearean Insult Generator, I certainly did. Just be careful, some of these might warp your brain a bit.
Globe Theatre? Not on Whidbey Island.